Life in the Palace

Destiny is not enough.

My five most embarrassing moments (plus Seth and Chloe’s)

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My (Catherine) 5 most embarrassing moments:

 

  1. Discovering that I misspelt Rob Pattinson’s name in Life in the Palace

I have a weird learning disability where I can only speed read, which means I can’t edit to save my life. I paid money to multiple people to do it for me. I could claim that the misspelling was someone else’s fault. But I cyber stalked the guy back when we all through him and Kristen would last forever so I should know how to spell his name.

 

  1. The time I ran to catch a bus outside my high school and fell out of my bra.

Probably no one would have noticed had I not then squealed loudly drawing the of attention of a crowd of guys standing at the bus stop. I have since learned greater verbal control and the virtues of under-wiring.

 

  1. Fainting in the bathroom of a department stall and being transported out of the shop in a wheel chair.

Medical emergencies can happen to anyone but this one was caused by extreme period pain. I had to assure the shop’s medic that I really didn’t need to go to the ER.

 

  1. When my Mom flirted with my best friend’s boyfriend.

To be fair, she probably just meant to be friendly. The guy in question was so good looking that grown women went weak at the knees at the sight of him. (He was the inspiration for Seth’s character in Life in the Palace.) She couldn’t help herself. The memory of her saying, “I do like a nicely formed bottom,” makes me cringe with embarrassment fifteen years later.

  1. Nearly leaving it too late to get to the hospital in labor

The EMT’s had to come up stairs and load me onto a stretcher. Then they carried me to the waiting ambulance surrounded by a crowd of the neighbors curious children. It was better than having an unplanned birth at home but only because I didn’t have to do the clean up afterwards.

 

 

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My (Chloe) top five most embarrassing moments:

 

  1. Swearing in front of Tal’s parents the first time I met them. I was under serious duress, but they’re super holy beings sent from heaven to maintain the cosmic balance. It was not the time to drop an f-bomb.

 

  1. Seth’s grandmother catching us making out in the kitchen when we were supposed to be bringing in desert. She doesn’t see well, and was lost on the way to the bathroom. We froze in position while she stood there peering through her bifocals trying to work out what was happening.

 

  1. My Dad coming to PTA, seeing that my Art teacher had a Democrat bumper sticker and giving his take on immigration policy. Then when she got huffy (because she was the child of illegal immigrants) he switched into Spanish and shouted louder. I thought she was going to fail me on the spot.

 

  1. Arriving at Jen’s Mom’s house in Philly at 6am uninvited. Jen knew Spike and I were driving down from Boston over winter break. Her Mom didn’t. She opened the door to let the cat out before Jen could sneak downstairs and let us in. I like to think I’m parentally presentable but Spike looks like every parent’s worst nightmare. Just standing next to her was enough for me to share in the shame.

 

  1. By ‘embarrassing’ read traumatic for this one…. The first time Rob and Stacy came for Thanksgiving and Rob started to talk politics with my Dad. I was ready to stab myself with the carving knife just to stop the disaster from happening. But when in doubt expect randomness. Dad and Rob turned out to be political soul mates. Their anti-Obama bromance played out over four torturously long courses. My Dad gained a comrade and I gained another reason for therapy. (See my facebook feed for Nov. 22, 2012 to get the full blow by blow account.)

 

 

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My (Seth) top five most embarrassing moments:

 

  1. When my Mom made me model Susie’s prom dress so she could check that she’d sewn the hem correctly. At least I didn’t have to zip it up. I was just a human hanger but baby pink is not my color.

 

  1. When my Mom started pumping Chloe for genealogical information to see if she was one of the People. I’d taken Chloe to meet the folks for the weekend and she practically pulled out the calendar and started planning wedding dates. Chloe was trying so hard to make a good impression that she hardly noticed, but Susie was humming the wedding march under her breath.
  1. Having my butt grabbed by Mrs. Ader after Services on the Day of Accounting. Mrs. Ader has Alzheimer’s so it might have been a case of mistaken identity. But I was standing next to my Mom, talking to Mr. Ader so I couldn’t even move.

 

  1. When Chloe found the pictures of Josh and I at our ballet recital aged 3 and 5. I was wearing a leotard. (I’m sure it was Susie who conveniently ‘left’ the album lying around. I’m plotting my revenge.)
  1. The car ride home from our gig in Magog, after the guys discovered that I was sneaking out to call Chloe. The ‘Seth is whipped’ jokes got painful after the first hour. Mainly because they were so true.

 

 

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